What the child is hearing when the parent begins to yell
They hear you, do not worry, but your shouting never "sit" the way you think
This should read every parent, especially one which is shouting became part of bringing up children. And do not say - I'm not that. Perhaps you and you are not, but then you are in the thick minority, because parents cry, no matter how long as ashamed or afraid to admit in public.
We all know that children need to explain things with a lot of patience and without raising her voice. Not said in vain or that you will listen to baby before if you whisper, rather than shout, but most parents it usually never and do not try.
But have you ever thought about what a child hears everything when parents yell at him?
That's what recently portal Fatherly spoke doctor Laura Markham, founder of Aha! Parenting and author of "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting" which claims that children can bring up without a single high tone.
However, in their views and more than realistic and aware that many people yell that sometimes parents do not really know how else, especially if you are tired, full of worries and responsibilities. Anyway, you read that tells you, hope you their shouting actually reduce to a minimum. I become the parent who shouts only when it is really necessary. In this case there is no evidence that you screaming in any way affect your child, on his development, self-esteem, behavior. But if the shouting everyday occurrence, then you need to know what consequences may leave. And you will not notice them immediately, but they will come to light in the school, in higher grades, in their teens. That's because there really is not just shouting shouting.
What then the child "hear" when a parent yells,
Fight, run away or freeze
Laura Markham says that shouting will not leave long term effects on the brain of children, but in the short term will certainly change. She explained it this way - when you talk with your child nice, patiently, with a lot of feelings, a child calm down because his brain neurotransmitters got the message that it is now okay. It also works as a chemical reaction that affects the hormones, causing the child begins to feel comfortable and safe. Then it is logical that with yelling taking place opposite reaction, and this is particularly significant in children younger than 4 years, of which the anterior cerebral cortex is just beginning to develop. They're shouting just can not understand as adults, because they receive signals that are threatened, do not know how to deal with it, but the following automatic responses - fight, run away or instinctively freeze.
Therefore, children of this age often asked as to make you hit when you yell at them, fleeing or just gaze at you.
And you continue to shout without realizing why you child still "can not hear".
Shouting is not transformed into a communication
Although many parents think they raised voice compel a child to finally fit, concentrates and listens, the truth is such that the child at the time he cried first - off.
"This is a logical reaction to all of us, but while we are big we try in these situations really concentrate, children will be at the screaming first try to overpower you. Smaller children will also want to automatically raise your voice to you and older will probably have a good turn eyes. This means that neither of them did not react the way they hoped parents. both will be automatically 'close', they will not listen properly.
Adults are very bad!
Every parent your child needs one hundred percent in my life - take care of them, feed them, bathe, entertain them, they are a safe haven until they cried out. Then turn into monsters that threaten their safety. So only one shout your child from positive jumps in a negative environment, just because this is a normal reaction of the child in this situation, because they are not yet mature enough to know how to deal with screaming.
Even if you constantly yelling, the child is on it will not get used
Although it might seem that a child screaming due remains confused, with a view into space, remember those chemical reactions with the beginning of the story. They are not accustomed to shouting, but only to "off" and they learned that shouting one form of behavior that they only appear to become "normal". But never completely normal.
Shouting does not become an authority
There are parents who try to shout less, but at some point probably thinking "how will the child know that you had enough if you do not scream?"
The solution exists and is much milder than shouting, and is called - humor. It can still give the impression that your authority should not be questioned, but with a small dose of humor, your child will be much more willing to approach you, listen to you and respect what you said. With a smile, with a lot of love and a lot of chemical reactions that will tell them everything is fine.
When it is still okay to scream
when the child at risk. Then the child will automatically connect to shout at risk and stand on time - not to go under the car, not to climb a step higher, to keep an eye on the terrain on which walk, not to fight with a friend ...
Then they will cry to make sense. Then and only then.
- 4 Feb, 2018
- 829 views